winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
