I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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