also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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