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I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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