We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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