I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
