Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
