it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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