I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
