so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize