Why is your signature on my underwear?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize