It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
