Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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