you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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