wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
