he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
