i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize