Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
