maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
