i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
