Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
