I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
