New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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