We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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