please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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