No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Less talking, more tequila
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
