Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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