It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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