i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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