I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
