how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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