I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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