i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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