I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
