Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
