I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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