Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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