Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
