By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
