I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
