The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
