So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
