I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize