I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
