you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
