Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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