She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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