this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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