she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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