i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
