Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
