I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize