I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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