Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
