xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
