I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
