I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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