The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
