see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
