Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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