He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
