did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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