After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
