Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
