Everything about him screamed your future.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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