Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
