you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
